i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize