He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
