3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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