your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
