ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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