I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
