It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dicks are not precious.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
