By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
