i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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