remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
