i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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