Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
