Your tits are I can't wait for
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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