everyone is single if you try hard enough
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
