It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
