Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
