we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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