So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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