I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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