I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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