how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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