My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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