Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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