mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
