We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can you bring me the toilet please
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
