The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
