I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
