I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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