It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
