i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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