What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How does one acquire holy water?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
