its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
