would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
