I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize