Fuck appropriateness.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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