So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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