Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
