32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize