i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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