Non-Jews are for practice
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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