Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
