There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
