when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
