Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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