At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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