last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
