HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
