I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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