He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize