I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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