the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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