Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
