dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
