i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize