At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
