um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
