Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize