i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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