Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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