so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
