she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
