Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
