Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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