OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
