i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
