so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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