carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
