well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
