i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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