clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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