If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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