my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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