Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
