ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
