wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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