After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
