Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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