On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So squirting runs in the family.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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