Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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