My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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