I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
