Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize