My first STD was from a foam party
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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