That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think people are normalizing furries
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize