Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
