If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
