Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize