Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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