I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
