He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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