I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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