I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
