Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
