so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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