you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
