A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
