By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I came so hard my ears popped.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
