Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
