Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
