I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize