Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
