Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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