i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
