It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
