Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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