look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize