I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
