this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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